I’ve asked
myself a thousand times...”why was I not the one?”. Never found the right
answer, as in the right answer for me. So I’ve started to wonder upon this
matter . How could I read a man’s mind, if that man keeps it all to
himself? Well, there was my problem. I
was trying to find out what he thought of me, when the truth was I didn’t know
what to think of myself.
So there I
was…thinking of me, instead of thinking about him. How could I ever be the one
if I have always been a challenge to myself? I’ve played my life against me so
many times that I’ve lost the track of them.
I have been beating myself at my own games since I can remember. I have never
settled for anything less than more. And that is what I always want (and always
will)…more! Every second, every minute, every hour, every day and night…with every
breath, I want more and more of myself, of this life…and…why wouldn’t I want
more from the others
And there
it was…that moment of truth, that glimpse of light I refused to see before…I
couldn’t have been the one, because, you see, my dears, I am not so simple as I
think I am. I have admitted to myself that I have high expectations, not just from
myself, but from my own life, my parents, my friends, my collegues and…my
lovers. Lovers, yes…the plural form…because I’m not yet convinced that I could
ever meet a man who can climb higher than my expectations. But I would like…and
simply love…to be taken by surprise. But even then I think I could have higher
expectations…or, better yet, the highest of all. Therefore…
I rarely
speak my mind, because I always seek the truth. And when I find it, I often use
it in my own interest. I do not share it because people are afraid to hear it…or
they are just too weak to accept it. But I accept it and embrace it with all my
being, as I always have ran away from
lies and denial. So…I ask myself again…”Why was I not the one?”. Analyzing and observing people is what I do…what
I’ve been born to do…and I’m good at that. But when it comes to myself, I
cannot be impartial…because no one knows me best than I do. No one has lived my
life, as well as I haven’t lived theirs. If you think you can be objective
about yourself, that’s not going to happen. It just can’t and you should admit
it.
Sometimes
we consider ourselves better than the others, but sometimes we overlook our
best moments. This is one of my…moments…not
the best, shall it not be the last…and
the best is yet to come! So it will!
