marți, 30 octombrie 2012

Why was I not...the one?

I’ve asked myself a thousand times...”why was I not the one?”. Never found the right answer, as in the right answer for me. So I’ve started to wonder upon this matter . How could I read a man’s mind, if that man keeps it all to himself?  Well, there was my problem. I was trying to find out what he thought of me, when the truth was I didn’t know what to think of myself.  
So there I was…thinking of me, instead of thinking about him. How could I ever be the one if I have always been a challenge to myself? I’ve played my life against me so many times that I’ve lost the track of them.  I have been beating myself at my own games since I can remember. I have never settled for anything less than more. And that is what I always want (and always will)…more! Every second, every minute, every hour, every day and night…with every breath, I want more and more of myself, of this life…and…why wouldn’t I want more from the others
And there it was…that moment of truth, that glimpse of light I refused to see before…I couldn’t have been the one, because, you see, my dears, I am not so simple as I think I am. I have admitted to myself that I have high expectations, not just from myself, but from my own life, my parents, my friends, my collegues and…my lovers. Lovers, yes…the plural form…because I’m not yet convinced that I could ever meet a man who can climb higher than my expectations. But I would like…and simply love…to be taken by surprise. But even then I think I could have higher expectations…or, better yet, the highest of all. Therefore…
I rarely speak my mind, because I always seek the truth. And when I find it, I often use it in my own interest. I do not share it because people are afraid to hear it…or they are just too weak to accept it. But I accept it and embrace it with all my being,  as I always have ran away from lies and denial. So…I ask myself again…”Why was I not the one?”.  Analyzing and observing people is what I do…what I’ve been born to do…and I’m good at that. But when it comes to myself, I cannot be impartial…because no one knows me best than I do. No one has lived my life, as well as I haven’t lived theirs. If you think you can be objective about yourself, that’s not going to happen. It just can’t and you should admit it.
Sometimes we consider ourselves better than the others, but sometimes we overlook our best moments.  This is one of my…moments…not the best,  shall it not be the last…and the best is yet to come!  So it will!

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